Ashley Finds Humility in Christ Who Strengthens Her

My experience from Steubenville Mid-America LEAD was life changing. I can remember my older sister Abbie coming home from it in the past year and telling me how awesome it was! Automatically, I thought she was exaggerating! I walked into the camp expecting it to be like any other retreat, but I was so wrong. LEAD absolutely changed my life.

The week started off with different talks and small group sessions. Throughout the day and week different things stood out to different people. For me, the idea of humility and giving my life fully to God stood out. One night, while I was in confession, I was reading my sins to the priest. Because I like to journal when I pray I had written them down. As I was reading them, he stopped me and told me to look back on them and pay attention to what is similar about all of them. I looked back and every single one of my sins on that list started with ?I.? MY pleasures, MY temptations, what I like to do with MY life. I thought to myself, how often do I actually make God the center of my life? I realized I needed to change and surrender myself to God.

I went back to my room to talk with my roommates to practice our testimonies that we were to give in front of everybody the next day. I had written this long poetic witness about God?s love. And although God?s love is beautiful and true, it didn?t come from my heart. I had written it so that I could look like I knew what I was doing. But in reality I don?t know what I?m doing, and nobody really ever does. I started freaking out because when I tried to practice in front of my friends, the words could not come out. I stopped myself and started speaking what was in my heart to them. I had told them how I always do things to bring attention to myself. A lot of the times I would go to youth group so that everybody could see that I was awesome and a holy person, even though I should have been going for God and not myself. I would throw my hands up in the air in praise and worship only to see who was looking at me, not to surrender myself to God. I was so ashamed of myself when I finally admitted that to myself and my peers. I told my roommates about my confession experience and how it changed my frame of mind. It was at that time that I realized that that was my true testimony and conversion of heart, not all the fluffy stuff I had written before.

The next day we had to give our testimonies in front of everybody at camp. I went up there that morning and started spilling out everything in my heart and told them how God spoke through the priest to me. It was the first time I had ever given a testimony! Beforehand, I prayed that the Holy Spirit would guide me and He did! Definitely in that time I felt God standing right next to me.

That night we had a prayer experience where we were prayed over by our LEAD facilitators. As she prayed over me I can remember crying so hard because for the first time I actually felt the Holy Spirit in my heart. I had gotten to the point of laughter because I was so happy! I could hear God?s voice in my head saying to me ?You are my daughter and I delight in you.? Never in my life have I been so happy. After experiencing all of this the next morning my LEAD facilitator asked me if I wanted to give my testimony in front of 3,700 teens at the conference. It was so nerve wracking! The whole weekend leading up to my testimony, I prayed that God could speak through me so that I can impact others? lives. I trusted in the Lord, and I had so many prayers coming from my friends there and my family at home that when it was time for me to go, I walked up there with total confidence that God was by my side ALWAYS and that I could do anything through Him who strengthens me!

Now no matter what, I always put God first. I can?t do anything at all without his help! If I didn?t have prayer, there is no way any of this could have happened to me. I hope that anybody who reads my message here can take it to heart and look to center their life around Christ as well. Really evaluate your life. Who are you living it for? Are you giving the glory to yourself, or are you giving the glory to God?